Iwish Parents could understand it!

Our society is full of humidity of attitudes and so are our houses. Where joint families are considered a blessing in east, they are the reasons of mental sickness and many mental fatigues. I am not against joint family system but balance is necessary everywhere. There must be some limitations that everyone should keep. Everyone is born free and it is his right to breathe freely at least. But our families are constructed in an opposite way. They love to pinch others and keep hitting or targeting others with their hate. In Pakistan, an average family has 7-8 members with sons and daughters married mostly. The parents have nothing to do except taunting the Youngers. In their eyes the new generation is a cursed one because they don’t obey their parents. They always give examples of their acquaintances’ children being very successful in their lives because they are the most obedient ones, although I don’t think that someone is living peacefully in this era of pressure and anxiety because there are thousands of individual problems other than being obedient to parents of course.

Now the question arises that who is an obedient child? An average parent thinks that an obedient child is one who studies parent’s selected school or university and obviously their selected subject too. Then he chooses a parents’ selected profession, marries with the guy or girl whom parents have selected and of course divorces him or her if parents say. I ask you that does our parents want children actually or slaves or robots.  Why do they want to keep the remotes in their hands to control our lives? Why don’t they accept their children as individuals? Why do parents blame them to be disobedient if they choose to live in a right way even? Why all the sons are considered to be the slaves of their wives if they are caring husbands? Why each home is firing on the disputes of mother in law and daughter in law? Why does each parent claim to be oppressed in old age? Why does each mother claim a tough married life for her daughter at the same time when she is making the life tougher for her daughter in law? Oh my God there are too many whys…

Let me give you an example of a family where a daughter and the son both had to face divorce just after six months of their marriages. The son went for a love marriage and the daughter had an arranged marriage. The son was declared to be sinful to his parents because he married a girl with his own choice and did not listen to his parents so it was to be done with him. He deserved a bad end. On the other hand the daughter was declared having all that in her fate as she was badnaseeb (unlucky). Another question “Why don’t our parents accept their flaws or why do they always love to blame their children in every case?”

Another attribute of most of the parents is emotional blackmailing. The love to blackmail their kids and feel very much proud on making them count their benefactions right from the day they were born. First of all the mother starts counting from her nine months pregnancy period, then the labour pains of giving birth and so on till the present day the unlucky soul is sitting in front of them. Then it’s the turn of father to count all the expenses of the disobedient creature spent on him. Some more question “Does the child want to come in this this world or parents plan him?”  “Is the new born baby able to look after himself or it’s the entire wish of the parents to look after him?” “Do parents bring a child up because it is their responsibility or they invest their energy and money to get them back doubles in their old age?”

An acquaintance of mine got serious physical ailment due to the disagreements between his mother and wife. When he was suggested to have a separate home for his wife because there is no harm in this for a peaceful life, he answered, “My parents bore a lot more pains to bring me up now when the time has come to serve them I may go for separation!” what dissatisfactory answer! First it’s the duty of son to serve his parents not of his wife’s. If he can afford a separate living then it’s better to save lives to peace than keeping them in pain. Being separate does not mean to leave parents at all but many of us don’t understand it.

Being Muslim it’s our faith that Allah never does wrong to anyone it’s our own wrong steps that come in front of us. Here are some of the points that parents should consider for a happy ending.

First, being parent is a blessing. It’s a greatest feeling and lovely phase to bring a child up. Although the whole life is served to bring a child up but I think it’s the purpose of sending us on earth too. Our duty is to bring a child up and make him able to decide right and wrong and being parent we need to stand with him in case of his wrong choice too. Believe me he will acknowledge it and never forget it.

Secondly, we have to bring him up in a way that he may go for moderate ways, instead of saying my choice or your choice it would be better to say “OUR CHOICE”. Teach him to give space, he will surely learn to give space.

Thirdly, consider him a human, if he sits with you an hour please don’t complain by counting each moment of your life you have given to him. He has a job, a family and some other objectives to attain.

Fourthly, parents must have something to do just to keep them busy mentally so that they may have less complains.

Lastly, parents must treat all the children equally in their childhood so that they may not face any revolt back. They must not be egoists rather they must understand their position as senior and experienced humans with open hearts and minds. I believe that our children are what we are. Being parent we have to learn first how to teach our children in their life. Our children will never leave us alone if we have trust in God and our children.